My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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