Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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