i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
