hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am available for nakedness
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
