the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Boobs speak an international language.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
