no, he came in my armpit
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
