fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
