Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
