Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
