so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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