Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
