There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
