I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
