Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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