I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
