Life is so much better after having sex.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
