if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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