I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
