Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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