Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
