How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
only you would photoshop your dick
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize