Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you had me at cake vodka
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
