Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
