12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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