Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
