i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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