Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
