Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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