Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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