The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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