just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
