$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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