Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You did what with his pubic hair?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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