I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
