I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have aggressive nipples.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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