The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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