I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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