Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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