he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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