I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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