There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
