I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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