I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
