Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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