i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
