What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
