if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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