Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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