This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
