I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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