you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
