I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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