Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
