I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
