Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
