in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
