Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This baby is an asshole
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
