Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I didn't notice because vodka
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
