I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
