So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
