He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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