Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
as a side note pls kill me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
