Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
