It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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