Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
