Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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